Not dead, just resting
- I was wallowing. I had an anniversary in late July that hit me harder than I thought it would, and every post I started to write sounded really self-indulgent and stupid
- I had to get ready for my vacation (July 28-August 4). Posts about packing suitcases and buying bottles of sunscreen by the gross aren't all that interesting
- I went on vacation (see above) and didn't have many chance to drive to the coffee shop that had WiFi, and my dad used up all the dial up minutes that Nic bought so he could shop on eBay
- I have an offsite meeting coming up, smaller scale than my regular quarterly meetings, but not as easy for me to plan because it doesn't follow the typical preparation process.
- I have another big project at work, which involves a lot of Internet time, but is not really bloggable (which is probably not a real word, but I guess I can take liberties with the English language sometimes)
- The problem with knitting baby gifts for people who insist on being due within a couple months of each other is that my fingers are occupied and cannot type
- I'm auditioning for The Peevery this month, and I'm not allowed to cross post, so they get first crack at funny tidbits. And not so funny tidbits, actually. Anyway, the point is, if I have any good stuff, it's being posted there because I have to put my best work forward in order to crush the competition (I mean..."in order to provide the best reading experience for the wonderful Peevery staff and their faithful readers.")
- We are still in the midst of potty training Lil Joe. Lil Joe is very stubborn. It's humiliating to have to admit that I have been reduced to actually cheering about defecation in the appropriate location (the appropriate location for the feces, that is. There is no appropriate location for the celebrating the act of pooping. It's just wrong.)
- Despite having been told that I am a modern day Erma Bombeck (the check is in the mail, by the way, Dr. B), I just haven't written that much lately that I think it any good.
But, I shall rise above this patch of bad posting, and return to my former glory (as much glory as I ever had, which is not much.) Until then, please come read about whatever I am complaining about elsewhere and I'll catch you on the flip side.
Buzz, buzz, buzz
My brain is mush
Like the Vulcan mind meld, if my sister happened to be Mr. Spock
Oh my God, in four years she will be a teenager!
The subtext is "Duh, Mom!"
Striving for a medal in the Passive-Aggressive Olympics
Don't get hot, 'cause girl you've got some hard times ahead
- The extra boss that I inherited earlier this year isn't exactly low maintenance
- I am in charge of planning an offsite meeting for said boss, which takes place on June 11
- June 11 falls right smack in the middle of my most detail-oriented, high pressure portion of the planning process for my June Board meeting
- The time between meetings is usually about three months, but is compressed this time around
- I don't know how to expand time to allow myself to do a three-month process in only 2 months without going batshit crazy
- The dermatologist has requested that I schedule a biopsy, just in case
- The school counselor has suggested that I make an appointment for Princess with the counselor who helped Hoss
- Princess also needs an eye exam
- And a dentist appointment
- And a haircut
- My pay raise for the new fiscal year will have to cover the cost of Lil Joe's preschool tuition
- I will not know what my raise is until August, so I do not know what I can afford to spend on tuition
- I cannot wait until August to enroll Lil Joe in preschool
And he wonders why I lose my cool.
Driving me crazy
And who is buried in Grant's tomb?
No luggage needed, it's just a day (guilt) trip
Getting Hoss ready for first grade
Conversation at the cafe
Have some drama, courtesy of Mama
Again with the stuff
Pretend I'm grunting like Tim Allen
Yet another post in which I moan and complain like a self-centered princess
- On Tuesday afternoon, one of my co-workers (not my boss, but the next person down the totem pole in my department) approached me. "Darling, we need to talk." I immediately thought I was in trouble. But no, he was trying to soften the blow of telling me that the cubicle next to mine (the one I use for filing and storage of all of the materials that my former boss cleaned out of her office and file cabinet, but I have no space for because I have no file cabinet) was needed for another staff member. He didn't know who was moving in, he only knew that the guy in charge of facilities told him to relay the message to me that I had until Friday to clear it out. Note that the facilities dude did not tell me this information, nor did he tell my boss to tell me this information, but rather told a random co-worker because he couldn't be bothered to look at the org chart and see who I actually report to.
- I cleared out all of my stuff from the cubicle and found other locations for storage by the end of the day Wednesday, but sent the facilities dude a message that there were five boxes of items for shredding as well as random office supplies and such that were in the cube before I had use of the space remaining in the cube. I got no response.
- As of 3:45 today (Friday, if you're keeping track) there has been no indication that anyone is moving into the cube.
- It is rainy and cold today. A few hours ago, the fire alarm went off. Many, many people asked me if we were having a drill. "Let's assume we're not," I replied. Many, many people were standing directly outside of our building, under an overhang, blocking the path to the area in which we are supposed to congregate when we evacuate the building. "Excuse me," I said, "I need to get to the evauation area over by the courtyard." When these many, many people finally joined me in the courtyard, they bitched and bitched and bitched about having to evacuate the building in the rain, and complained "they shouldn't plan drills on such yucky days."
- If we have an actual fire, instead of workers who accidentally set off the alarms, the firefighters will have to risk their own lives to save these morons who deserve to go up in flames.
- Hubby has a band rehearsal tonight, to which he will travel immediately after work. So, I'm on my own to pick up the kids and take care of dinner. This will cause me to get home a bit later than normal.
- Days like these (rainy and nasty) are the ones on which my in-laws like to be on the road as early as possible. As a result, FIL is likely to be in a foul mood by the time I get home, as will MIL (since she will bear the brunt of his constant "why haven't we left yet? We should be on the road by now! We always leave by 4:30!" grumpiness). No matter how many times she assures him that I will be home soon, he will be convinced that I am holding them up, even though they never leave by 4:30 because neither Hubby nor I even leave work until at least 4:30.
- I made an eye doctor appointment for tomorrow afternoon, based on when Hubby is expected to be home from work, and have just found out that it conflicts with a counseling appointment for Hoss, which was not on the calendar.
- My brother gave me a bottle of shiraz as a gift. I opened it last weekend when we had people over for the boys' birthdays, but by the time I got a chance to go back into the kitchen to pour a glass, it was empty. I'll have to ask my mom if it was any good so I know whether to try to find another bottle of it.
- There is a ginormous zit waiting to pop out on my chin. I can feel it under the surface, but it hasn't made an appearance so that I can zap it with salicylic acid. I expect it to make its debut next Monday when I am in the middle of a meeting with the two perfectly poised and immaculately put-together ladies who are helping me plan the consortia meeting from Hell for OldBoss.
- I have to miss my cousin's baby shower in a few weeks because I will be flying to a conference during which my shortest workday is expected to be 14 hours.
- My nail polish chipped within 12 hours of my manicure.
Teach a man to fish, he will eat for a day...
I probably should not find this funny. Yet, I do.
I need to add "vodka" to my office supply order
What's old is new again
Enjoying this while I can...
Sometimes life gets in the way
- big boss has loaned me out to other execs, and the bunch of them have tasked me with violating the laws of time and space to get some meetings scheduled with visitors
- cold and flu (and sinus infection and sore throat and nasty cough) season
- snow and sleet and ice, oh my! The kids' Valentine's Day party is being rescheduled yet again. At least I think they're still going to have one. It may turn into a Mardi Gras party instead.
- Clogged arteries (not mine). The good news is, the balloon angioplasty worked. The bad news is, Hubby had to drive all over creation to attend to family members who were trapped by the wintry mix and to pick up his parents' car from where they left it just prior to the ambulance ride
- I'm a boring dork who can't come up with anything entertaining to write about.
Insanity is a chemical imbalance
Fun with stats and search strings
- "i just got my car washed and my airbag light came on" Next time try the touchless car wash, dude.
- "You'll strangle the baby with the umbilical cord" I will not!
- "flat tire karen" Yes, that's me. Some folks go their whole lives without changing a tire, I've changed at least one on every car I've driven.
- "but a few kids in high school told her she was uncool" Actually, more than a few
- "how to keep lint off pants" Let me know when you find out, 'cause God knows I don't know how
- "how to slice bagels" Ditto. I've got the scar to prove it
- "What's in kielbasa?" I don't think you want to know
- "why can't I attract any boys?" How the hell should I know?
- "lean cuisine causes allergic reaction" Is this the new ad campaign for Weight Watchers frozen meals?
- "franzia vs. almaden" Hmm, that's up there with "root canal or corporate retreat for your afternoon plans" as far as decisions go
- "being uninvited to his parents for christmas" For some people, that's a happy holiday
- "lousy mom" Um. Thanks.
- "schmutzy pants" Fine, I'll buy a lint brush
- "gigantic red zit" There's not much for me to add to that
- "parenthood sucks" Not always.
- "night the lights went out in georgia why did the sister shoot" I've been trying to figure that out for years
- "does anyone have sandwiches for thanksgiving" Yeah, my sister does. She can make a sandwich out of any meal
- "hate my in laws" Well, 'hate' is a really strong word...
Oh, if only you knew...
A week to make me weak
So far this week I have experienced the following:
- 31 hours of clocked worktime, despite the week being less than half over
- Hearing both a guest speaker and a CXO drop the f-bomb
- a tempest in a teapot about electronic access to documents, and who is or is not capable of keeping their darned mouths shut
- a whole lot of examples of how my children only want me around when they are sick or injured
- a three-day headache that is akin to a group of caffeinated squirrels slamming sledgehammers into my temple and eye socket.
And it's only Wednesday...
I've been keeping up with this board thanks to my email subscription (I simply haven't had the time to get lost in TWoP anymore), but seeing the posts about today's anniversary made me play a dedication on my radio show this am. I played "Boogie Shoes" and sent it out to "[MamaKaren] over at Television Without Pity, who at the unanimous request of the board of the Jeremy Goodwin Foundation will be downing blue drinks and dancing on the table. Damn, I wish I could be there to see it."
The final countdown
Fa, la, la, la, la, blah, blah,blah
Flat out annoying
Adventures in babysitting
Can't help lovin' that Joe of mine
Today's selection from "Condescension Theater"
I'm totally out
This may fall into what some may call "obsessive planning"
In today's news: I am a big geek
It's a small world, after all
Release the inner fashionista
Are you ready for some Yuletide?
Uncharitable contributions to the greater good
Sometimes, parenthood sucks
A love that is not to be spoken...
I would have been ahead of my time
Ho ho ho hum
The post of no posts
Back among the living
She's totally a bad influence. As am I.
There are some gnarled limbs on this family tree
the post in which I try to pretend I'm hip and/or classy (and probably fail miserably)
In other shocking news, the sky is blue
Sports Night Thursday 13
- Isaac: "Casey is on a date with Pixley? Could they be any more white?"
- Casey: "A jabby right hook. And he did it with his left hand." Chuck "Cutman" Kimmel: "This fighter's got remarkable skills. He's not to be trifled with."
- Dana: "Isaac had a stroke. And someone tried to blow up the building. We're not having our best week, are we?"
- Dan: "I gotta tell you, at this point the length of this conversation is way out of proportion to my interest in it." I find many, many opportunties to use this line myself.
- Jeremy (regarding a hunting segment): "What we did wasn't food and it wasn't shelter and it sure as hell wasn't sports." This whole speech was good, but this line just summed it up.
- Isaac: "Because I love you, Danny, I can say this. No rich, young white guy has ever gotten anywhere with me comparing himself to Rosa Parks."
- Dan: "You got married at 23 to a woman you met at 19!" Casey: "I know, I was there."
- Sam Donovan: "Don't assume that just because I'm looking at you when are talking that I'm paying any attention to what you are saying."
- Calvin Trager: "Anyone who can't make money off of Sports Night needs to get out of the money making business."
- Dan: "I've got the intellectual property cops up my butt."
- Casey: "Gordon, you're wearing my shirt." The line is good because it's a perfect underlining of the scene itself, when Casey realizes that Gordon cheated on Dana. It's so much more subtle than an outright accusation, but both the characters and the viewers know exactly what it all means.
- Dan (in response to Casey asking how he can be cool again): "First I have to disabuse you of the notion that you were cool in the first place.
- Dana: "I have seen enough to know that I have seen enough! And now I want something good to happen. I want just one good thing to happen before the day is over and I will be the judge of what is good! One. good. thing before the day is over, that is all I ask!" And then you hear Isaac's voice off-screen, and you see him with his cane, moving all slowly because he just got released from the hospital that day and he has a lot of recovery still ahead of him because of the stroke, and the scene is all that much more poignant because it's the first episode that Robert Guillame was able to film after his real-life stroke, and...excuse me, I need to get a tissue.
Bring some cheese, I've got plenty of whine
You would think...
My name is Roseanne Rosannadanna
Still preoccupied with 19-19-1985
I like to refer to it as "networking"
I'll be updating my resume now, thanks
I may be a dork, but I'm a validated dork now
All our life's a circle
Hubby- aka DH My husband since 1995. He is the head of the band department at a college prep school, and dabbles as a wanna-be pop star.
The Princess- aka DD. Third grader at the local parochial school. Loves butterlies, sparkly things, the color purple and has recently developed a crush on one of the twins from "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody". Is ready for her teenage years, having already perfected her exasperated sigh and dramatic eye-roll.
Hoss- aka DS1. Kindergartener and resident spirited child. His aunt likes to call him "the evil genius" because of his penchant for letting a lack of intellectual stimulation lead him into mischief. Likes trucks, sports, building things and burping. His current favorite word is "underwear."
Lil Joe- aka DS2. Born in 2003. Doesn't say much we can understand, but has mastered the important stuff ("eat!", "Wash hands!", "Want chocolate ones!", "Hockey game!") Likes to push buttons, much to the consternation of whoever is trying to watch a DVD. Firmly refuses to use the potty, despite evidence that he is physically ready to be out of diapers, indicating a level of stubborn that eclipses even that of his parents and siblings.
Me? I'm the Mama. That's all you need to know.
Wanna contact me?
Send me an email.
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- Mama is on the move
- Not dead, just resting
- Buzz, buzz, buzz
- My brain is mush
- Mmmmm, doughnuts
- Like the Vulcan mind meld, if my sister happened t...
- Oh my God, in four years she will be a teenager!
- The subtext is "Duh, Mom!"
- Striving for a medal in the Passive-Aggressive Oly...
- Don't get hot, 'cause girl you've got some hard ti...
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The Random Muse
Three Kid Circus
Shoes, Ships and Sealing Wax
Go Fug Yourself
So the Fish Said...
Confessions of the Overdressed
Television Without Pity