I lost a friend this week. I probably lost her months ago, but I finally came to terms with it this week. It was through no fault of mine, or of hers, or maybe of anyone's. But I'm still more taken aback by it than I'd like to be. We became friends because she was dating a friend of my husband (he was my boyfriend then.) I was friends with him, too, and the four of us did a fair amount of stuff together and with a larger group of friends. Our backgrounds were similar, economically and politically and religiously and socially. We got married within a few months of each other, our first babies were born within a few months of each other. Once the kids were born, we didn't get together as often as we had before, and when the second round of babies started it was even harder to find time, but we saw each other at parties, and we emailed alot. She and I were there for each other, because most of our other working friends had no children and didn't understand motherhood, most of our other "mom" friends didn't work outside the home and didn't understand our work woes, but we understood each other. When our oldest children started school, our lives got busier and we were in touch less, but we still managed to commiserate when we did get back in touch. Around Christmas last year, my husband and hers had a falling out. Aspects of both of their personalities, flaws that they'd forgiven in each other for years, became more than they wanted to forgive of each other anymore. She and I still emailed, small talk things mostly, but not as often. I contact her this week to ask her a few things- regarding a direct sales business she had (I had bought something from her and needed to follow up) and to ask a piece of parenting advice. She answered the email, but in the most brief way possible. No greeting. The body of the response was simply "Q1: answer to indicate that she was no longer selling the products and I could find a new contact through the website. Q2: answer that was the exact advice that is in all the books and articles, but no personal insight." No signature. I've sent her one last message. I told her that I appreciated our friendship, but that I was going to back off and not send her any of the ClubMom emails or links to articles of interest to us, all that sort of thing, because I didn't want to impose myself into her life if she was trying to break it off. (I said it more eloquently than that, though.) I told myself that it was closure, that I did it so that there was no misunderstanding, no chance that she was feeling the same way and just being awkward about contacting me because of the tension between our husbands. I think I lied. I think I just can't quite admit that it's over.


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Who's Who

    Hubby- aka DH My husband since 1995. He is the head of the band department at a college prep school, and dabbles as a wanna-be pop star.

    The Princess- aka DD. Third grader at the local parochial school. Loves butterlies, sparkly things, the color purple and has recently developed a crush on one of the twins from "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody". Is ready for her teenage years, having already perfected her exasperated sigh and dramatic eye-roll.

    Hoss- aka DS1. Kindergartener and resident spirited child. His aunt likes to call him "the evil genius" because of his penchant for letting a lack of intellectual stimulation lead him into mischief. Likes trucks, sports, building things and burping. His current favorite word is "underwear."

    Lil Joe- aka DS2. Born in 2003. Doesn't say much we can understand, but has mastered the important stuff ("eat!", "Wash hands!", "Want chocolate ones!", "Hockey game!") Likes to push buttons, much to the consternation of whoever is trying to watch a DVD. Firmly refuses to use the potty, despite evidence that he is physically ready to be out of diapers, indicating a level of stubborn that eclipses even that of his parents and siblings.

    Me? I'm the Mama. That's all you need to know.

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