Dealing with death

I got notice that a co-worker's mom passed away this week. He is not a close friend at the office, but I do have a fair amount of interaction with him and he's a really nice guy. She had been sick, apparently, but no from something that was considered terminal; she just went downhill quickly. She was only 59. I am on the email list for the management level staff, so I got a copy of the funeral details. The family has requested donations to charity in lieu of flowers, and also asked that anyone attending the service be casual ["...(i.e. no funeral suits) as this is a celebration of her life, not a mourning of her passing."] I want to be that peaceful and composed when I lose someone. I want to be able to let go of my own (admitted selfish) feelings of loss and focus on the good things that happened in my loved ones' lives. And I want my loved ones to be able to do the same for me. I want that post-funeral reception to be all my friends and family, a huge cheese tray, umpteen bottles of pinot noir and a soundtrack full of 80s hits. No whispers of how nice the service was, or what lovely floral arrangements were on hand at the funeral home. I don't party enough in life, I should at least get a kick-ass party when I die.