And this is why I am the grocery shopper

Hubby has begun his summer vacation, and is doing the grocery shopping in exchange for me letting him do a bike ride yesterday afternoon. So, when I made the shopping list this week, I wrote down items that I would not normally write down for my own purposes (i.e., the stuff we need every week, like milk and bread) as well as whatever we had run low on.

Setting: MamaKaren's desk, Cubeland. [phone rings] MamaKaren: Good morning, this is Karen. Hubby: Hey. Where's the grocery list? MK: On the fridge, under one of the fruit magnets. H: Ok, here it is. Bread...milk...lunch meat...cereal...lemonade...iced tea...crackers...juice boxes... MK: Anything else you need, or can I go back to typing the quarterly report? H: Do I need to get anything else? MK: If they have anything we want on sale, like the kids' yogurt or your razor blades or whatever, get that. Otherwise, no. H: Alright, I'll...[muffled] Here, talk to Mommy. Lil Joe: hawu[urqv pigjur Mama: Oh, did you draw a picture? Lil Joe: No. cbzncvbz bickinaus Mama: You're having bacon?! Lil Joe: No. yurgwdyq widdel Mama: It's little? Lil Joe: Yes. t verqt yq keythen Bye! Hubby: He has a Mickey Mouse picture on his shirt. Lil Joe: Pretzel! Hubby: You want a pretzel? OK, here's a pretzel. MK: How are we fixed for pretzels? You may need to buy some of them, too. And if you want chips or anything. H: OK, I'm going to the grocery store. Bye.

I return to editing the report ("Department is being managed by VP pending conclusion of a search for a new staffer, now in progress, is concluded"? Do people read their submissions before sending them to me?). Oh, how nice, we have dueling edits from the powers-that-be about when to include names and when to use generic staff language. This is fun.

[phone rings] MamaKaren: Good morning, this is Karen. Hubby: Hi. Do we need eggs? MK: Ummm...I don't know. H: I forgot the list. MK: Well, buy a small package of eggs, and I'll hard cook them if we have plenty at home. H: I don't see the small package...let's see...here they are. Grade A, large, package of 8? Is that right? MK: Yeah, that's fine. H: Ok...we'll get milk. June 25th? Is that OK? MK: That's fine. H: What should I get at the deli? Lil Joe: CHEESE! Hubby: No, we don't need cheese. Princess, go get a number. What should I get? MamaKaren: When we all need lunches all week, I would get three-quarters of ham and three-quarters of turkey, so get a little less than that. Lil Joe: I wuv cheese. H: We have ham at home, but I don't know if it's any good. How about chicken salad? MK: Get chicken salad if you want. You should probably get some cheese. Hoss eats a cheese sandwich every day, and Lil Joe eats a lot, too. Lil Joe (singing): Cheese, cheese MK: What's your schedule like this week? Use that as a guide for how much to buy, you know, depending on whether you're fixing lunches at home. Hubby: I'm at home with two kids, that's my schedule for the week. We have a lot of cheese at home. MK: OK, your call. But ask the deli person to give him a slice of cheese, or he'll probably be upset. I don't think he's ever seen me go to the deli and not buy cheese. H: OK, that's all I needed. Bye.

Anyone want to place bets on how quickly we run out of cheese this week, or how many bags of jalepeno potato chips he comes home with?


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Who's Who

    Hubby- aka DH My husband since 1995. He is the head of the band department at a college prep school, and dabbles as a wanna-be pop star.

    The Princess- aka DD. Third grader at the local parochial school. Loves butterlies, sparkly things, the color purple and has recently developed a crush on one of the twins from "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody". Is ready for her teenage years, having already perfected her exasperated sigh and dramatic eye-roll.

    Hoss- aka DS1. Kindergartener and resident spirited child. His aunt likes to call him "the evil genius" because of his penchant for letting a lack of intellectual stimulation lead him into mischief. Likes trucks, sports, building things and burping. His current favorite word is "underwear."

    Lil Joe- aka DS2. Born in 2003. Doesn't say much we can understand, but has mastered the important stuff ("eat!", "Wash hands!", "Want chocolate ones!", "Hockey game!") Likes to push buttons, much to the consternation of whoever is trying to watch a DVD. Firmly refuses to use the potty, despite evidence that he is physically ready to be out of diapers, indicating a level of stubborn that eclipses even that of his parents and siblings.

    Me? I'm the Mama. That's all you need to know.

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    Send me an email.