My family is thankful to not have to see me this year

We are going to my in-laws' house for Thanksgiving this year. DH requested that we go there, since he doesn't know how many more years his parents will be able to host Thanksgiving, what with a house full of people making a dinner that disrupts normal routine being...less than optimal for Alzheimers patients. I don't hate my in-laws. I don't even dislike my in-laws. But, I'm a selfish pain in the ass, so I don't like to spend my days off from work with people who lack the social filter necessary to refrain from discussions of right-wing politics, surgeries (thank God my MIL's hysterectomy is years in the past), or the inappropriate dating choices of the younger generation (DH's cousin the nurse has ditched the mentally abusive boyfriend, but has to work on Thursday, so she won't be at dinner to tell her mother not to discuss the lack of a more suitable man to date). I'm also a bit of a snob. I don't consider the french fried onion/cream of mushroom soup green bean casserole to be the yummiest side dish known to man, and I can't participate in a wine conversation that rates the merits of Franzia vs. Almaden (which DH's aunt pronounces "All Madden"). Actually, I'm being a bit harsh with the wine slam- they do go all out for Thanksgiving, the wine is always in a bottle and it's the "pricey" stuff ($8 a bottle.) I offered to bring the wine, hoping that I might be saved from the limited choice of merlot or chardonnay (I like merlot, just not with Thanksgiving dinner). No, MIL assured us, they already have plenty of wine. If I'm lucky, Kendall Jackson was on sale. Hopefully I will not be seated close to the kitchen door, otherwise I will end up being jostled as BIL goes to retrieve the white bread and mayo to bring it to the table. I have no issue with making a sandwich of the Thanksgiving dinner, but most people wait until there are leftovers before doing so. So, gentle readers, would anyone like to join me in the holiday dinner bingo? Customize your card as you wish ("homophobic remark" isn't a given square, but I can always depend on "relative who contradicts my parenting" and "reference to how 'lucky' Karen is to be so skinny, whilst helping oneself to another helping of pie".)