Phone, why must you mock me?!

I have left many messages today, trying to schedule a teleconference on very short notice. Do the return calls come in an orderly manner? No, they do not. I leave my desk, oh so briefly, to go to the ladies' room. A call comes, sending me into a round of phone tag. And while I am leaving a message, another call comes in. Can I finish this message in time to pick up the second call? No, I cannot. This is phone tag sparring partner #2. And when my boss calls me, and I do not want to ignore her call because of how many things we are trying to touch base about, why is it when I have my mouth full of chocolate covered pretzels? Crunching and choking are not part of my professional demeanor.