7/27/2005

I'm one bad mother (shut yo mouth!)

Yesterday Amalah posted a list of pregnancy confessions. I identified with pretty much all of them. In that vein, here is a list of some of the awful things I've done as a Mama since giving birth. Confession is supposed to be good for the soul, so here goes... Sometimes I tell DS1 that there isn't any more vanilla soy milk because I want to save the last of it for my latte the next morning. The toys I find annoying are the ones that "disappear" when they don't get put away. The ones I think are kind of cool always make their way to the toy box. I've managed to convince DD that a dinner of fish sticks/chicken tenders, carrots and cheese cubes is a treat- I call it the "finger dinner," but I really serve it to her (on a paper plate) so I can avoid doing dishes. I've also managed to convince DD and DS1 that going to the car wash or the yarn store is fun. I dressed both of the boys in pastel bodysuits when they were babies, just because I still had them on hand from when DD was a baby, and I wouldn't have to do laundry as often. I sometimes lie to DH about where I bought clothes from if he thinks it's strange for DS1 to wear his sister's hand-me-downs ("But honey, it came from the boys' department anyway!") As far as I'm concerned, if it isn't pink and doesn't have ribbons, hearts or butterflies on it, it's unisex. I make the kids put their Halloween/Easter/Valentine's Day candy in a communal basket in the dining room so it's easier for me to snitch. DS2 ate pretzels for dinner last night. Just pretzels. Sometimes I let him eat Goldfish crackers for breakfast. When I go out for a haircut or other errand without children, I almost always stop and get myself a coffee drink or ice cream as well. When DH asks if it's OK for him to go out to a rehearsal as soon as I get home from work, thus leaving me on my own for dinner, I act as though I'm doing him a favor when I am really inwardly rejoicing that I can eat on the couch while watching TV and I let the kids play on the computer until bedtime. Sometimes I'm too lazy to press DD's uniform, so I just toss it in the dryer with a damp towel to fluff the wrinkles out. I claim that I am buying Scooby Doo fruit snacks because the kids like them, but I eat most of the box myself. Teddy Grahams, too. And frosted animal crackers. I frequently let the kids sleep in their clothes instead of changing into pajamas, especially on weekends or vacation. Sometimes I use regular clothes as pajamas (sweats or pull on shorts and a t-shirt) with the intention of not having to dress them in the morning. I pretend to be asleep with the kids come into our room on weekend mornings to ask for drinks or want us to find the remote for the DVD player. I have, on occasions too numerous to count, said that my children are a perfect advertisement for birth control. If I were a nanny, I'd be fired for that. I've told DD that she was acting like a brat. This is what inspired her to ask "Are you going to send me there? 'Cause I don't think I'd survive" when a teaser for the Brat Camp came on during The Wonderful World of Disney. So, I've spilled my guts. What do you have to confess?

2 Comments:

Blogger MP said...

Sounds like you're handling things quite well, actually. Whatever works! I've been known to do a few of those things...

7/27/2005 8:24 PM  
Blogger Peeved Michelle said...

The longer I go without having kids, the less I want them.

That thing about throwing stuff back in the dryer instead of ironing, I ALWAYS do that. Sometimes, if that doesn't work, I just put it in the dry cleaning bag and figure they can do it for me.

7/28/2005 7:44 PM  

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Who's Who

    Hubby- aka DH My husband since 1995. He is the head of the band department at a college prep school, and dabbles as a wanna-be pop star.

    The Princess- aka DD. Third grader at the local parochial school. Loves butterlies, sparkly things, the color purple and has recently developed a crush on one of the twins from "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody". Is ready for her teenage years, having already perfected her exasperated sigh and dramatic eye-roll.

    Hoss- aka DS1. Kindergartener and resident spirited child. His aunt likes to call him "the evil genius" because of his penchant for letting a lack of intellectual stimulation lead him into mischief. Likes trucks, sports, building things and burping. His current favorite word is "underwear."

    Lil Joe- aka DS2. Born in 2003. Doesn't say much we can understand, but has mastered the important stuff ("eat!", "Wash hands!", "Want chocolate ones!", "Hockey game!") Likes to push buttons, much to the consternation of whoever is trying to watch a DVD. Firmly refuses to use the potty, despite evidence that he is physically ready to be out of diapers, indicating a level of stubborn that eclipses even that of his parents and siblings.

    Me? I'm the Mama. That's all you need to know.

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