What light at the end of the tunnel? Oh, that's the train

People always like to tell me not the let the small stuff get me down. And it's all small stuff. But the God's-honest-truth is that I can't handle any of the small stuff. The big stuff- now, that I manage to work through. I was clearheaded enough to make sure that I scheduled the oil change for the minivan, the car seat installation, and a good haircut in the two weeks before DD2 was born. The day my grandmother died, I had already gotten to office before I heard, and no one could believe that I could function enough to be at work. The night that I had to go to the emergency room because of my allergic reaction, I was telling DH what to do (where to find my insurance card, etc.) So why am I so stupidly out of control lately? Why am I a puddle of disjointed thoughts and tears because I was late to a meeting this morning? Why can't I even summon up enough energy to post on my message boards? I couldn't even focus enough to remember to pack my lunch this morning (or even to grab a Lean Cuisine from the freezer.) I'm so edgy right now for no real reason. We got an email a few hours ago with a list of the people who had gotten promotions as a result of the year end reviews. One of the administrative support people who used to be in my division, one whose position is one step below mine on the totem pole, just got a promotion. The new title is not the same as mine, but since her job was only one step below mine, she is now my equal. The only thing that keeps me from outranking her is that her department no longer reports to my boss. But, apparently, her job is on par with mine now. On par, except for the lack of executive level contact, notetaking responsibilities, travel planning and calendar juggling. It's bad enough that the people whose titles and reporting structures are the same as mine, even if their workload and responsibilities are not the same, are in my grade level. Now the job level that I promoted out of is being elevated up to mine! I don't know how much more I can handle. The camel's back is straining. The frog is simmering. I need a big crisis, so I have an excuse to fall apart, or so I can pull myself together.


Post a Comment

<< Home

follow MamaKaren at http://twitter.com

Who's Who

    Hubby- aka DH My husband since 1995. He is the head of the band department at a college prep school, and dabbles as a wanna-be pop star.

    The Princess- aka DD. Third grader at the local parochial school. Loves butterlies, sparkly things, the color purple and has recently developed a crush on one of the twins from "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody". Is ready for her teenage years, having already perfected her exasperated sigh and dramatic eye-roll.

    Hoss- aka DS1. Kindergartener and resident spirited child. His aunt likes to call him "the evil genius" because of his penchant for letting a lack of intellectual stimulation lead him into mischief. Likes trucks, sports, building things and burping. His current favorite word is "underwear."

    Lil Joe- aka DS2. Born in 2003. Doesn't say much we can understand, but has mastered the important stuff ("eat!", "Wash hands!", "Want chocolate ones!", "Hockey game!") Likes to push buttons, much to the consternation of whoever is trying to watch a DVD. Firmly refuses to use the potty, despite evidence that he is physically ready to be out of diapers, indicating a level of stubborn that eclipses even that of his parents and siblings.

    Me? I'm the Mama. That's all you need to know.

    Wanna contact me?
    Send me an email.